“Whatever you’re planning on writing, I won’t do it.”
He’s leaning against the windowsill and for some reason he looks like Hugh Jackman did while hosting the Oscars. Slick hair, tails, red carnation pinned to his lapel, shiny shoes. No top hat. He’s not Hugh Jackman.
“I’m not trying to make you do anything, I’m not God.”
“Oh, I’ve noticed. He’s got more gray hair and He doesn’t wear skirts.”
“I’m not supposed to be funny, my dear, though sometimes I am fun.” He leers. “And dangerous. So no more fooling around with my character. Last time you did that, Peter didn’t speak to me for a week. Do you know how bad hate looks on a Saint résumé?”
“He had fun too.”
“Yes, he did,” he chuckles at the memory. “Why do you need that book anyway?”
“You should be flattered since it’s about you.”
“Please, I’m much more than that… Why can’t you just buy it like regular people do?”
“It’s more fun this way, and cheaper.”
“Then ask daddy dear to get it for you… or borrow it from a friend… or… oh, I know,” he paces around the room as he starts getting creative, “hack into their website… or rob a bookstore! Yeah, I’d like that,” he grins.
“Not in this lifetime.”
“You’re no fun at all.” He glares and sighs. “Just don’t send me to some God-forgotten place… I was on vacation when you summoned me, on a tropical island with these two ladies and… ahem… you can fill in the rest, you’ve got a rich imagination.”
“Thanks, but no thanks.”
He pouts. “That’s your loss then.”
Curious, he comes to stand behind me and glances over my shoulder. “Scroll back up, I want to read from the beginning.”
“In a minute…”
“Oh, no… don’t make me do that… and don’t send me there, for God’s sake!... and… no… eww… I think I’m going to be sick…”
He vanishes in a cloud of smoke, but his voice still echoes inside the room. “I’m gonna get you for this!”
I giggle quietly, this is really fun, and start to check the text for typos and spelling errors.
That day the Devil happened to be on vacation…
Author's note: This was written in answer to the contest on Nemira's blog and the prize is supposed to be L’evangile selon Satan by Patrick Graham. Dunno if the book is any good, though I've read some favorable reviews on-line, but I found the idea of the contest entertaining and I thought to give it a try. The text initially written was about twice as long and it was quite a pain to cut it back to the 2000 chars imposed limit. And if you're wondering, the adventures Mr. D. mentions can be read here.
Later edit: I've received the book. Now I have to make time to read it... Grisham is first in line though.